The date went well. There's chemistry. Now they're suggesting going back to their place (or yours). Before you go, plan for your safety and be crystal clear about your boundaries. Going home with someone is a vulnerability point. You need to feel in control.
Before You Go: Pre-Intimacy Safety
Tell Someone Explicitly
Not "I'm with my date." Be specific:
- "I'm going to [person's name]'s place at [address/area]. I'll text you when I'm home safe."
- Send them the address via Google Maps or screenshot
- Share your live location if they have the capability
- Agree on a check-in time (e.g., "I'll message you by midnight")
Have Your Own Way Home
- Don't rely on them for transport. Have your own taxi money, car, or arrange a ride beforehand.
- Know the last bus/train time home (in case things go wrong and you need to leave)
- Have a phone number for a local taxi service saved
- If using a ride service (Uber/taxi), don't let them pay—you pay so you control the exit
Keep Your Phone Charged and Accessible
- Phone in your pocket, not in another room
- Make sure your lock screen shows the time/emergency info
- Don't hand your phone to them "to pick a song"—it's a boundary/control issue
Know Your Boundaries Before You Go In
You need to decide (privately, in advance):
- What level of intimacy are you comfortable with?
- Are you willing to have sex? If yes, what kind of protection do you want?
- What are hard no's (things you won't do)?
- What will you do if they pressure you past your boundaries?
Know your answer before the situation arises. When you're in the moment, it's harder to say no.
Communication About Consent
Establish Consent Explicitly (Not Assumed)
Don't wait for them to ask. You communicate your boundaries.
- "I'm really into kissing right now, but I'm not ready for sex on a second date."
- "I want to use protection if we do have sex."
- "I'm not comfortable with [specific thing]."
- "Let me know if you want to try something new—I'll do the same."
What Genuine Consent Looks Like
- ✅ They ask before escalating (kissing, removing clothes, penetration)
- ✅ They accept "no" without pressure, anger, or guilt trips
- ✅ They check in during ("Is this okay?" "Do you want to keep going?")
- ✅ They don't use alcohol/drugs to lower your guard
- ✅ You both actively want the same things, at the same time
What Bad Consent Looks Like (Red Flags)
- ❌ They push past your stated boundaries ("Come on, just this once")
- ❌ They get angry when you say no or slow down
- ❌ They use guilt ("After everything I've done for you")
- ❌ They remove protection without permission (reproductive coercion)
- ❌ They ignore your verbal/physical cues that you want to stop
- ❌ They continue after you've said "stop" or "no"
Any of these = stop the activity immediately and leave.
Practical Safety During Intimacy
Contraception & STI Prevention
- You bring protection. Don't rely on them. Condoms should be yours.
- Check expiration date before using
- Watch them put it on (to confirm it's actually used)
- Don't let them remove it or "finish without"—that's sexual assault
- If you're on birth control, use condoms too (dual protection for STIs)
Substance Use
- Don't get drunk/high enough to lose your decision-making. You need to be able to leave if needed.
- Never leave your drink unattended
- If they're pushing alcohol/drugs, this is a red flag
- If you feel drugged (suddenly dizzy, memory gaps, slurred speech you didn't cause), leave immediately and call emergency services
Know Where You Are
- Notice the address, apartment number, building landmarks
- Know where exits are (main door, fire escape, windows)
- Keep your keys/phone on you, not on nightstand
After: Leaving Safely
If Things Go Well
- Get home safely (taxi/car, not walking alone at night)
- Text your friend immediately: "Home safe"
- Trust how you feel. If something was off, acknowledge it (even if nothing physical happened)
If Something Went Wrong
- Your safety first, social awkwardness second. Leave immediately.
- Go to a public place (cafe, 24-hour shop, another friend's place)
- Call someone you trust and tell them what happened
- If you've been assaulted: See our guide on what to do if you feel unsafe
After an Unsafe Situation
- Don't shower immediately (evidence preservation)
- Take photos of any injuries
- Save all messages/evidence
- Consider reporting (to police or a support service)
- Reach out to a trauma counsellor if needed
Red Flags Before You Go In
If they:
- Get upset about you telling someone where you are → Red flag
- Want you to turn off your location → Red flag
- Act angry about you having protection/boundaries → Red flag
- Rush you into going home too quickly → Red flag
- Want to take you somewhere isolated first → Red flag
Cancel or leave.
Healthy Intimacy Feels Good
Sex/intimacy with someone new should feel:
- ✅ Comfortable
- ✅ Consensual (enthusiastic yes, not reluctant compliance)
- ✅ Safe (protection used)
- ✅ Respectful of your boundaries
- ✅ Like both of you are enjoying it
If it feels otherwise, it's not okay.
Related Guides
You owe no one physical intimacy. You can change your mind at any point. You can slow down, stop, or leave. Your body is yours. If someone doesn't respect that, they don't respect you.
Set Up a Safety Check-In (€1.99)
Key Takeaways
- ✅ Tell someone where you are and when you'll check in
- ✅ Have your own way home
- ✅ Know your boundaries before you go
- ✅ Communicate consent explicitly
- ✅ Bring your own protection
- ✅ Leave immediately if something feels wrong
- ✅ Sex should feel good for both of you
Consent isn't a moment—it's a conversation. Before, during, and after. Your comfort matters just as much as theirs.